Term 1 2014 Written Language

WALT write a timed recount about a time when we did something special with our whanau or family.
Write about:
·      when and where you did something special
·      who was with you
·      what you did (think about the order you did things)
·      how you felt and why you felt this way.

By Amelia Snelleksz

Once I went on a fantastic trip on an aeroplane and I went to Australia. It took three hours to get there. The ride in the plane was very bumpy and because it was so bumpy it made me feel a bit sick every time when I had a sip or a big drink. It was a bit funny sometimes because when I was going to have a drink of my Fanta, I was still drinking when the bumps came and when I was drinking it almost made me spit my Fanta right out of my mouth and when I was finished I went on the thing that you can watch movies or play games on and I played a couple of games then I listened to some music and last I watched some movies too and every time that the people announced that there was water or coffee or food to eat it paused whatever you were on. For most of the way when I was on music I listened to Adam Lambert.

Next steps

Break up some of the very long sentences into shorter ones to make the story easier to read by not using too many “and’s”

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